I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
