Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
