Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
