"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
