When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
