so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
