we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
