she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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