I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
