I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
