She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
