Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
