Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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