Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
