I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
