I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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