I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
