It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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