News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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