Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
