Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
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i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
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I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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