you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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