My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wish you could order shots online.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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