The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
