First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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