Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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