I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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