ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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