Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
