I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
