A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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