so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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