i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
