No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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