well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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