The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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