I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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