he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
