i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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