he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
