his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize