Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I love having hate sex.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
