im drinking this country out of the recession.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
