I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
