Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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