how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
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