she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
