he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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