the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
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Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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