How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
