it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
