So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
