he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
