Im at strip club and am horny
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
