i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you