My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
