Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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