apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
