i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
