If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
