Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
