The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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